Teaching Torah With Rashi

Luke Ford writes: In a lecture on Deut. 22:1, Dennis Prager said: “I’m very unhappy that you asked that question because it may invalidate a certain community [Orthodox] from buying these tapes and listening to them. Your question, was I taught these things at yeshiva? Some things I was. Most of the things I am conveying to you I was not taught in my traditional upbringing. I’m doing something with this that is very different.”

“When I meet learned Jews who find out that I am teaching the Torah verse by verse, they will say, ‘Oh, so you teach it with Rashi?’ And of course I have studied the Rashi but I don’t teach it from Rashi for while he is invaluable, if I need to learn how to live today, he’s not the best source now. From the filter of my background with these rabbis but living in the modern world, what I am working out is — is this book rationally morally applicable to your lives? It is an original attempt to make that clear. I don’t know of another attempt like this. It is easy to say, he is really arrogant. He thinks he understands the Torah that well to teach that way. I can’t defend against the arrogance. Why would I do this? It’s not for the money. It’s very hard. I wish that I had been taught these things.”

“I am very moved that wherever I go to speak in Jewish life, very often, Orthodox rabbis, Chabad rabbis, will tell me that they use these tapes when they teach Torah. Not to mention Reform and others. That says to me that they know that this comes from a good place.”

“I picked up a lot of it from great scholars. Very often they were Christians who taught me these things… I obviously don’t use the parts where they say, ‘This shows that Christ…’ That’s not my faith.

“Irving Greenberg, an Orthodox rabbi, wrote in his book on Christianity that he has been deeply influenced by Christian thinkers. He said that from an early age, when he read Christian thinkers, when he read ‘Christ’, he substituted ‘God’ and it worked perfectly. I cracked up when I read it because that’s exactly what I do.”

“That’s how I know Judeo-Christian is a legitimate term. I did learn a lot from these [Christian] people who do relate it to life today. I learned things [in yeshiva] that I knew were not going to help me deal with life. Moses was caught by Pharoah and his neck turns to marble when he’s about to be killed. Or the reason that Moses had a speech impediment was that when he was a baby on Pharoah’s lap, they put before him gold and hot coals, and he was about to reach for the gold and give away how brilliant he was, but he reached the hot coals and burned his tongue forever. I don’t mind those stories but they don’t help me understand what the Torah really wants to teach. And those are some of the things I learned at that time. I’m fighting for the belief that this is a divine text.”

In a lecture on Deut. 22:15, Dennis said: “I am versed in the sources like Rashi, Rambam and so on. They have helped shape my understanding but I believe that we need to dust off a lot of the traditional coloring of our view of the Torah to make it understandable for modern men and women. Many Orthodox rabbis get these tapes and have no problem with anything I have said, even though I am not making reference often to Orthodox sources. I’m being as true to the Torah as possible. It almost comes as a relief to many Orthodox Jews that an honest reading of the peshat plain reading of the text without commentary leads you to an elevated view of the Torah.”

“On Deut. 22:16, Rashi says this teaches us that the woman has no permission to speak in the presence of her man, i.e. her husband. What am I going to say? Is this really what the Torah teaches? That a woman in the 21st Century should not speak in front of her husband?”

Why Do Westerners Go Through Life With Their Heads Tipped Back?

Luke Ford writes: If your head is tipped back, even half an inch, as opposed to resting on top of your spine in a poised even position, your mobility and sensory awareness will be seriously effected.

There are more joints in your neck than any other part of your body, so when you tip the head back and consequently compress the neck, this act sends layers of compression rippling throughout the body. As a result, movement, speech and breathing becomes more difficult.

On page 118 of the second volume of his book, The First 43 Years Of The Life Of F.M. Alexander, Jeroen Staring summarizes an important part of his first volume:

This habit, this tradition, this attitude, of tilting the head back and down is unconsciously learned by children in ‘Western’ countries. It is an unconsciously learned ‘mannerism’ and it almost becomes a second nature to people in ‘industrialized’ countries to permanently bear their heads tilted back and down, once they grow to maturity. This ‘mannerism’ is closely related with the use of artefacts while eating. At present, almost everybody in ‘Western’ societies uses forks at the table. Not using them is called ‘uncivilized behavior.’ In case we see somebody eating with his fingers, we get feelings of disgust, or worse. We teach our children to eat with forks, and while we have forgotten that the fork originated as a symbol of distinction we tell our children that it is not hygienic to use fingers instead of forks. In Consuming Passions: The Anthropology of Eating, anthropologist George Armelagos and science-writer Peter Farb draw attention to a physiological and functional anatomical consequence of using forks at the table. They state that gatherers and hunters use their front teeth less as cutting tools than as clamps. The bite of gatherers and hunters, “both today and in the past,” is one where the upper and lower incisors meet edge-to-edge, “like a pair of pincers.”

What Does It Mean To Free The Neck?

Luke Ford writes: A foundation of Alexander Technique is freeing the neck of unnecessary tension.

There are more joints in the neck than anywhere in the body. A joint means a bone connected to a bone. With all the joints in the neck, it means that if the neck is tight, the body will inevitably be tight.

So what does a free neck mean?

To me, it means that I could come up to you and effortlessly move your head from side to side or up and down.

That’s a free neck. It’s not held or tight. It’s not stuck in some posture.

Some people new to Alexander Technique tell me that when they try to follow the fundamental instructions of “free your neck and think your head forward and up”, they get a sore neck.

That’s because they’re using muscular effort to keep their neck in a certain posture. That’s not Alexander Technique. You simply wish to direct your head forward and up. You’re not supposed to use any muscular effort to do so. It’s an upward orientation, not a physical effort. There’s no reason for your neck to get tired or sore when you follow Alexander directions.

The Bible often condemns the Israelites as a stiff-necked people. A stiff neck is a bad thing from God’s perspective. He wants you to free your neck because everything else in you will free up too.

I don’t use the word “relaxed” because most people interpret that word as an invitation to collapse. I don’t want your head to collapse on to your spine and your torso. I don’t want the neck to shorten and for the head to tip back against the spine. I want a free and easy neck while you wish for your head to release forward and up (the opposite of most people’s habit to tip their head back and down).

Finding Orthodox Shul In San Fernando Valley

Luke Ford writes: Sara* emails: Mr. Ford,

Since your website is so comprehensive and otherwise helpful in navigating Jewish LA, I thought I would take a chance and ask you if you know of anything interesting going on at any shul in the valley. I’ve just moved here and would like to find a shul that is orthodox but tolerant, spirited, and not geriatric. Does such a place exist on this side of the hill? Does anyone do a Carlebach minyan, or have you heard of any independent minyanim? It seems to me that there’s basically just Persian shuls in Tarzana, Conservative shuls in Encino, Chabad in Sherman Oaks, and Shaarei Tzedek in Valley Village. I would be so grateful for any leads you could offer me.

Luke says: I think that if you show up to Sharei Tzedek, you’ll find lots of different minyans there and info about other shuls/minyanim outside of that synagogue. It’s probably the best place to go to get a feel for shuls in the Valley. 

Intrusive Questions On Rental Applications

Luke Ford writes: I’m looking to rent a new place to live and one rental application asked for my savings and checking account numbers and my credit card account numbers.

I did not fill that stuff out. That’s crazy. No way you should give up such information.

Here’s comment online: Fair housing laws are so strict that credit worthiness is almost the only determining factor a landlord can use to qualify an applicant. Unfortunately, bank account numbers are needed because if you default on the rent and the landlord gets a judgement against you for rent or damages they need you bank account numbers to attach them. As for specific credit card info, most applications ask for them, but as a landlord I usually just tell people to write in “see credit report.” That is just left over language from before computers when we actually called credit references. You are probably shocked because you are one of those people who would always pay their rent first and obey the rules. Unfortunately, it’s the price you must pay to insure that your neighbors are the type of people who play by the rules as well. The plus side is that your neighbors were screened by the same criteria and if the landlord is strict in their screening you have a better chance of having nice neighbors. Can you imagine if the let just anybody move in next door to you? Drug dealers get pretty creative in trying to rent apartments. Landlords practically have to be private eyes to legally screen them out. 

12 Step Programs For Sex Addiction

Luke Ford writes: A few months ago, I was talking to my therapist about what I want out of life.

After I paused, he said to me, “That sounds like eroticized rage.”

Eroticized rage? I’d never even heard of eroticized rage, but I was immediately intrigued.

My therapist said that eroticized rage is anger that’s been sexualized.

I went home and Googled “eroticized rage” and read and realized that all of my sexual fantasies are just forms of anger.

My therapist explained to me that in men this usually develops out of a relationship with an over-controlling mother figure.

My mother had terminal cancer when I was a baby. By the time she finally died when I was four, I had a lot of different mother figures and some of them were probably over-controlling and out of it I developed this hatred of women.

A lot of people in the past have told me that I hated women. That I was a sex addict. I never took them seriously.

Then I read about eroticized rage and realized I had it, realized I hated women, and realized I was a sex addict.

I came back to therapy and said, I have to go to 12-step meetings for sex addiction.

My therapist explained there were basically four such groups.

There is Sexaholics Anonymous. This group is strict. It stands for no pre-marital sex. No masturbation. No extra-marital sex. It is guys struggling to stay faithful to their wives. The group has a strong Christian overtone but in the big cities you will find Orthodox Jews there because it has a similar morality to Orthodox Judaism.

Then there’s Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). All men. All men who have problems with specific behaviors. They’re addicted to porn or to strippers or to hookers or to chasing underage girls or to exposing themselves to strangers.

There’s Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. It is mainly men having problem with compulsive sexual patterns such as molesting kids or exposing themselves or committing other sex crimes and the like. It’s similar to SAA.

Then there’s Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). This is men and women dealing with their problems with sex and love in relationships. SLAA is the most relationship-oriented of the 12-step sex addiction programs.

Unlike Sexaholics Anonymous, in Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, you set your own bottom line behaviors you want to abstain from. These 12-step program don’t decree to you at the outset that you must give up porn or masturbation or pre-marital sex or strippers or whatever.

SLAA offers these signposts of sex and love addiction:

Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.
Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.
Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.
We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.
We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

Just loving sex does not make you a sex addict. You’re an addict if you need a fix to get by. So if you’re a guy, you might not be able to get to sleep at night unless you look at porn. Or you might not be able to feel happy unless you are in a sexual relationship. Or you might not be able to relate to attractive women other than trying to get them into bed. Or you might be like me and unable to speak five sentences without straying onto the topic of sex.

If you join a 12-step community, you’ll make friends and it will start to reconfigure your social life. You might find yourself wanting to mainly spend time with people dedicated to recovery rather than addiction. You might find you want to explore other 12-step programs for other addictions in your life such as over-eating or debt or codependency or alcohol or drugs.

Stepping out of a 12-step meeting the other day, I talked to a veteran of these programs. He shared some of my fetishes with how I like women to dress. He said to me, “You know this sex addiction is not our problem. It’s just a symptom of our problem. Our problem is the hole in our soul. Sex addiction is just one of the ways we act out.”

To throw in a Jewish perspective, the addict is somebody who can’t live without God. Many people can live without with God. But the addict has to be connected to God or he will destroy himself pursuing false gods such as sex and love.

I think many people ask the wrong questions about 12-step programs. When I share that I’m going to one for sex addiction, most people say to me, “I don’t think you’re a sex addict.”

I had a former therapist of mine, I saw her for years, tell me as her first reaction to this news, “I don’t think you’re a sex addict.”

Whether or not I am a sex addict is not the relevant question here. The question to ask is — will my life be enhanced by stepping into one of these 12-step programs and working the program?

And I have no doubt the answer is yes.

With regard to 12 step programs, I don’t think it matters much here whether or not you’re a love addict or a sex addict or a debt addict or a gambling addict or a codependent suspect. What matters is whether or not your life would be enhanced by going to a 12 step meeting for Overeaters Anonymous or Debtors Anonymous or CODA or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous.

I am interested in improving my life. I find the honesty in 12 step programs refreshing and almost unique. There aren’t many places where people open up like in a 12 step program. And I think everybody could benefit from working the 12 steps of recovery, and making amends to people you’ve hurt.

Let me give you an analogy. I converted to Orthodox Judaism and yet I am not terribly interested in whether or not every claim that Orthodox Judaism makes is true. I’m not kept awake at night by the Mishna declaring that a man should not talk overmuch with women, including his own wife. I have my doubts that there was a historical Adam and that the world was created 6,000 years ago.

I believe there is divine truth in Orthodox Judaism — more than in any other religion — and I believe that it enhances my life. That’s all I need.

Mel Gibson and the Jews

Luke Ford writes: I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs Mondays at 7:00 pm PST on the Rabbi Rabbs cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page.

This week we study Parashat Ki Tavo (Deuteronomy 26:1-29:8).